cj+kj=xoxo

a friend of mine asked a
terrific question;
she was asking advice on how to honor
your husband above your children,
when it seems that you’re pouring all
of your time into your children and
your husband, well he’s at work.

i cc’d cory when i sent this response,
hoping he’d be amused &
reminded of how much i love him,
that big ol’ handsome galoo.

“this is such a valuable question, love.
one that you’ll reevaluate season after season
to see if you’re heading in the right direction,
and that re-eval is a good good thing.

if you stop asking the question, then problems come.
(am I honoring my husband above all else?
am I respecting him in all things?
does he know that I’m honoring & respecting him?
are there other ways he needs/wants me to
honor and respect him and let me change
what I’m doing to reflect that)

so, I’d start with asking him simply,
do you know how much I love,
respect,
honor you?
I do.
and here are some specific ways I
think you are outstanding & am so
grateful for you: ___________,
_______________,
_______________ (and on and on,
or as much as you can genuinely say.

[your little girl] is your primary physical responsibility right now.

meaning: your physical self is entirely responsible
for her physical self.
making sure she’s breathing,
she’s clothed, fed, comforted,
soothed, delighted,
trained, helped, cleaned, etc.

so obviously she’s going to consume your
thoughts. and that is appropriate.
entirely appropriate.

so it might appear to you that
you are placing her above [your husband]
in your heart,
but in fact, by caring for her well,
you are honoring him in the highest way.
she is [his] daughter!
you are caring for his daughter
in the best, kindest ways you know how.

and he walks into your home each evening
knowing that you are doing that,
thus he is at rest & is delighted by that.

press on.
press on!

one thing I do constantly is
talk
about
‘daddy.’

we sing silly songs and put ‘daddy’ into them.
we pray for him when we pray for our lunch.
we joke about him when we pick up his big old
shoes and put them away in the closet,
or when we find his glasses and put them up
where betsy can’t reach them.
we guess what he’s eating for lunch.
we see things as we’re walking and say,
‘oh, daddy loves that!’

so the kids know that
I’m thinking about
him constantly.

and as they get older,
i do it more specifically.

‘n, isn’t is so kind of daddy to go to
work today so we can have this
warm apartment,
or this extra $4 that
we just spent on beard papas,
or whatever.’

they know that daddy is serving our
family by going to work,
by honoring his colleagues,
by bearing the stress of his daily responsibilities
on our behalf.

etc.

and (to stop the longwindedness)
one of the Most Important Parts of this all:
pray.

pray that you will love your husband.
beg the Lord to help you love [him].
ask him to help you honor [him].
ask Him to help you communicate your love
and honor
and respect to [your husband].
beg Him to help you see
your own sin clearly
and, equally,
to help you not be tripped
up by [his] sin or the things that might
irritate you or anger you about him;
muy, muy importante.

this part, the prayer part,
makes the other above-mentioned
parts work.

i’ll pray for you.
i’m so proud of you.

love you,
kj

ps – pray the same things for me.
that I will love and honor and
respect cory;
we are two lucky ladies.”