kj the dj

i’m digging ross campbell’s book,
how to really love your child.

i’ve posted these words below
inside the bathroom vanity,
inside the kitchen cabinet,
and they’re rolling around
in my mind.

regarding loving our children
‘unconditionally’,
he tried to constantly
reminded himself
of the following:

‘1. they are children.

2. they will tend to act like children.

3. much of childish behavior is unpleasant.

4. if i do my part as a parent and
love them despite their childish behavior,
they will be able to mature and
give up childish ways.

5. if i love them only when they please me
(conditional love), and convey my love to them only
during those times,
they will not feel genuinely loved.

this in turn will make them insecure, damage their self-image,
and actually prevent them from moving on to better
self-control and more mature behavior.

therefore, their behavior and its development is
my responsibility
as much as it is theirs.

6. if i love them unconditionally, they will feel
good about themselves and be comfortable with
themselves. they will then be able to
control their anxiety, and in turn,
their behavior, as they grow into adulthood.

7. if i love them only when they meet my
requirements or expectations,
they will feel incompetent.

they will believe it is fruitless to
do their best because it is never enough.
insecurity, anxiety and low self-esteem will plague them.

those feelings will be constant hindrances in their
emotional and behavioral growth.

again, their total growth is as much
my responsibility
as theirs.’

after that, he said that he prayed
that his love for his children would be
‘as unconditional as i could make it.’

whew.